Harnessing encouragement

This is a polaroid I took recently. 

What do you see? A black dot right. As it happens the black dot was a mistake. The image I took was of a white sheet, and this mark came out in processing. But of course you don’t look at any of the white sheet. Certainly not now. 

This instant failure with my instant camera reminded me of something. 

The Negativity Bias. 

Dictionary definition; ‘the tendency for people to pay more attention to, and give more weight to, negative information than positive information’

Basically all things negative are stickier than all things positive. Whenever we receive criticism we tend to fixate on it. To obsess. Even if it’s an island of criticism amongst a sea of praise. It’s all we can see and all we think about. Like this tiny black dot amongst a sea of white. 

The advice here is usually centred around how we handle criticism.

But I wonder, maybe it’s just as important to consider how we handle encouragement? When we leave our brains to their own devices they fixate on the negative. So what if we intentionally created a system to fixate on the positive?

THE ENCOURAGEMENT FOLDER

This is a real folder I have in my Google Docs. And I can’t describe what a dear friend it has become.

One day someone said something nice to me in an email. Not very long. But very nice. Just a note to say thanks and what a difference my work had meant to them.

I screen grabbed it. And saved it in a folder for a rainy day.* Then whenever I received other encouragement that hit the mark I did likewise. 

*By that I mean a metaphorically rainy day. It’s always a literal rainy day.

I started this 4 years ago. Now the folder is pretty full. Text messages. E-introductions. Feedback on workshops. Kind emails I got when I had to close my business down.

Maybe you’re very British. And maybe as you read this your cringe-o-metre is going DING DING DING. I’ll admit that at first it felt a little self-indulgent.

But in my low or uninspired moments, I return to The Encouragement Folder for a lift. And it never fails. I’m always re-filled with a sense of keep going!

And there’s another side to this. Because it feels just as good to give it, as to receive it. If not better. Feeding the encouragement beast goes two ways.

So I also started building an outward facing folder. I add to it when I have a lightbulb moment about what someone means to me. Or when I’m especially inspired by their work. Or when I see a quote that reminds me of them.

Then I’m appropriately armed to fire the encouragement at them when the time is right. And let’s be honest, the time is always right!

LIKE EVERY SELFIE

Who couldn’t do with a little lift? A boost of energy and confidence.

The great news is it’s entirely free. As David Gate says, we each have ‘a limitless supply’.

And if you harness encouragements in a system, not only are you always armed to give someone a boost. But you have your own treasure trove of pick-me-ups to return to whenever you need to put some fuel back in the tank.

Jamie